you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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