they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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