Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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