i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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