It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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