Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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