"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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