There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize