I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
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he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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