If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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