I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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