who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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