My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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