My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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