Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize