I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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