I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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