I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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