I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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