I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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