he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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