Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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