I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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