I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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