If you die in college, do you die in real life?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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