I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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