hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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