News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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