I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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