i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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