no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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