i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize