Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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