I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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