Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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