How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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