im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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