How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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