Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..

(609): View more from New Jersey

AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!

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(609): Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?! (267): This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room.. (609): AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?! http://tfl.nu/dtle

Replies (37) Good night (605) Bad night (3452)
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(425): View more from Washington

my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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(425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k

Replies (22) Good night (648) Bad night (5384) Order T-Shirt
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(239): View more from Florida

so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...

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(239): so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM... http://tfl.nu/hm43

Replies (33) Good night (717) Bad night (2972) Order T-Shirt
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(972): View more from Texas

The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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(972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi

Replies (15) Good night (602) Bad night (3224) Order T-Shirt
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(707): View more from California

get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.

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(707): get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night. http://tfl.nu/ebwt

Replies (25) Good night (758) Bad night (5360) Order T-Shirt
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.

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(918): WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/fz7p

Replies (9) Good night (1082) Bad night (3866) Order T-Shirt
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.

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(405): Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts. http://tfl.nu/kf4k

Replies (16) Good night (4807) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
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(678): View more from Georgia

You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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(678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3

Replies (14) Good night (6404) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
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(856): View more from New Jersey

I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.

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(856): I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud. http://tfl.nu/70be

Replies (10) Good night (2652) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
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(513): View more from Ohio

chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.

(513): View more from Ohio

Who are you high with right now?

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(513): chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it. (513): Who are you high with right now? http://tfl.nu/0n4i

Replies (11) Good night (1935) Bad night (512)
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(214): View more from Texas

Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.

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(214): Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff. http://tfl.nu/wfam

Replies (3) Good night (401) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...

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(250): Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night... http://tfl.nu/bamz

Replies (9) Good night (356) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang

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(610): Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang http://tfl.nu/jrxr

Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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(905): View more from Ontario

It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.

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(905): It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms. http://tfl.nu/s3t3

Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away

(781): View more from Massachusetts

i think i might be a female sloth

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(617): female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away (781): i think i might be a female sloth http://tfl.nu/d8fr

Replies (5) Good night (1353) Bad night (96)

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