Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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