I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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