He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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