Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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