he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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