I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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