i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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