Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize