Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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