the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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