they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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