so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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